


Summer Sang In Me A Little While, That In Me Sings No More

by artamisward



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artamisward/pseuds/artamisward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard's final goodbyes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summer Sang In Me A Little While, That In Me Sings No More

They’d somehow ended up in someone’s study sharing stories and laughter. Everyone had their alcohol of choice in hand and was strewn out across the furniture as comfortably as if they owned the place. Shepard’s crew. Shepard’s family. All toasting and remembering. All mourning.

There had been a funeral with full military honors and an empty casket. They knew there was no return from the grave this time around.

Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard stood and the room quieted. She looked so much like Shepard that most eyes didn’t look at her, the loss too great and sensitive for such blatant reminders. “To my daughter,” she raised her glass, “who saved the galaxy more times than we can count.”

A chorus of agreements rose around the room. They drank, each remembering the Commander in their own way and washing away the sadness as best they could.

“In the event of her death,” the admiral’s voice hitched on the words but she had the room’s attention again, “she told me to distribute a letter to each of you on her behalf.” She retrieved a slim stack of letters, each bearing a name of a crewmember.

The disbursement of the letters was somber and solemn. No one opened their letter, but all clutched them tightly, holding to them the last part of Shepard, each waiting to read her final goodbye.

* * *

Samara was the first to take her leave of the group. Hundreds of years in solitude made gatherings of any size seem almost an intrusion of her privacy, so she departed before she could become uncomfortable.

She wondered at the pang in her heart as she opened Shepard’s letter in the solitude of her quarters.

_Samara,_

_The knight-errant who completed her quest. There’s not much I can say which you don’t already know. Except this: life is too short (yes, even for you) to spend away from the people you love. You’ve lost so much. Don’t lose your only remaining daughter. Your battle is done and the fight is over. It’s time you indulged in being what you’ve desired for hundreds of years: being a mother._

_Be happy._

_Cdr. Shepard_

* * *

Grunt was drunk and wandering aimlessly when he remembered the letter.

_Grunt,_

_Be great and fulfill your immeasurable potential. I know you’ll be legendary. You’ve always made me proud._

The krogan stopped and wondered how it was raining inside, his face was wet.

_I leave you with the gravest responsibility because I know you’re up to it. Take care of Liara for me. I know she won’t want you to be her bodyguard, but being the Shadow Broker tends to come with a few enemies. Please watch out for her, she’s my heart._

_And, know that I love you, big guy. Always have._

_Battlemaster AKA Mom_

* * *

 Ashley opened her letter on the solitary shuttle ride back to her temporary post in Vancouver. Her fingers trembled as she unsealed the envelope.

_Chief,_

_No, wait, you’ve been promoted since then haven’t you?_

Ashley could almost hear the smile in the words. She took a deep breath before continuing.

_Ashley Williams tough-as-nails soldier with the heart of a poet, my friend, it was an honor having you by my side in the end. Everything else is water under the bridge. I want you to know that I never, not once, regretted taking you on after Eden Prime; nor, running after you on Virmire._

_And now I lay my brush down _in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision.__

_I make only one request of you, when possible, drop by and look in on my mom. I think you’ll find the tough admiral to your liking. She’s where I got my love of poetry. I think you’ll get along quite well._

_Your friend,_

_Skipper_

* * *

“When did I get so goddamn sentimental?” Zaeed walked away from the crumpled up letter on his bed.

_Zaeed,_

_Wasn’t it one hell of a ride…I hope you tell stories about me as fondly as you do your rifle. In another universe and another time, I think I would’ve been proud to have a father like you._

_Don’t let anyone drag you out of retirement, old man._

_Shepard_

* * *

Kasumi handled the letter like she would her old books with careful delicacy because there were no others like it in all the universe.

_Kasumi,_

_My favorite kleptomaniac. You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for. Don’t forget that. And, don’t spend so long looking at the past that you don’t live in your present. Don’t steal that from yourself._

_Shep_

* * *

“Are you coming to bed?”

“In a minute.” Jacob opened the drawer where he had left the letter.

_Jacob,_

_Please, please don’t name your kid Shepard…and don’t let your wife talk you into it either._

_You are not your father, never believe that. You will make an incredible father; you will be everything your father never was. Trust me, I know a good man when I see one._

_Shepard_

* * *

Jack considered burning the letter without reading it. She was never very good with emotional things; they made her feel too much like when she was a child.

_Jack,_

_You aren’t that scared little girl hiding under her desk in Pragia anymore. And, you’re not the psychotic biotic anymore, either. You’re finding your place in this unbelievably large universe. You have found a purpose and a calling. You’re finding yourself and making yourself from the ashes of your former self. I couldn’t be more proud of you._

_Don’t be scared to touch those things that touch your heart. It’s part of life. You deserve to live. Give yourself the opportunity._

_Shepard_

* * *

EDI waited until she was back aboard the Normandy to open the letter. She needed her full processing power to understand what was happening to her systems.

_EDI,_

_That uncomfortable pressure and general unease you have, that is emotion. You’re grieving my loss. It’s perfectly normal. You’re growing, learning, and evolving. And this pain you feel is part of the process. Thank you for teaching me that all life is precious, not just organic life._

_Don’t ever stop asking questions. And, take care of Joker for me._

_Shepard_

* * *

Javik held a private vigil for the human commander that defied impossible odds. She was worthy of the honor he'd only ever bestowed on his fallen brethren.

_Javik,_

_Your task has been accomplished. You have avenged your people. The Reapers are defeated. It is now time to lay down your sword and see the wonder that a peaceful universe has to offer._

_Live for the memory of a billion billion dead souls. Live._

_The Human,_

_Cdr. Shepard_

* * *

Vega opened the letter only after he'd punched a hole in his punching bag and exhausted himself with physical exercise.

_James,_

_Don't think that tough guy exterior fooled me for a second, I pegged you for a softy from the moment we met. It's all the beefy muscles and tattoos._

_You're one hell of a soldier. It was an honor serving with you. You deserve every accolade and honor you get. And you earned your spot in that N7 program. Leaders know how to make the tough calls at the most impossible times. I know you're going to make one hell of a leader...though your dancing could use a little work._

_Lola_

* * *

Miranda hated to leave anything pending, especially goodbyes. She was never especially good at those. She turned the letter in her hands several times over on the shuttle ride back to her ship, but she waited until she was staring out into the endless darkness of space from her quarters before opening the letter.

_Miranda,_

_Henry Lawson is dead. Let all his lies and deceit die with him. He was wrong about you. You were wrong about you. You are more than the sum of your parts. You’re as human as the rest of us. Fallible._

_No one can decide who or what you are and become, except you. It’s a great and terrible and exhilarating responsibility, isn’t it? Welcome to the human race._

_Thank you, by the way, for brining me back. Wanted to make sure I said that, just in case I never get the chance to set that straight._

_Shepard_

* * *

Wrex waited until he was back on the lands of his homeworld. He waited until Bakara slept and his home was quite save for the sounds of the howling wind.

_Wrex,_

_You old cagey krogan. We did the impossible. Who would’ve thought that we’d fight a war to end all wars, cure the genophage, bridge the divide between the krogan and the turian? And, find you a wife!_

He humphed in amusement, his eyes tracking to the sleeping form of the most precious jewel of the krogan people.

_Do what your fathers couldn’t, my friend. Don’t let pride cause your people to fall again. Be untouchable and fierce but also gentle and malleable. Be the difference for the future. I know you’re more than capable of it. And never forget all the friends you have in the galaxy; lean on them for support when the mantle of leadership gets too heavy._

_Also, watch out for Grunt for me…I seem to have developed a soft spot for him._

_Until we meet again, Wrex._

_Urdnot Shepard_

* * *

Joker waited until he was seated at the Normandy’s controls to pull out his letter. The cockpit was always his safest place; it was where he’d received the news about his dad, about his sister. It only seemed apt to read the letter ensconced away from prying eyes.

_Joker,_

_Remember when this whole crazy thing began? A quick pick-up/drop-off mission on Eden Prime. Anderson was the big boss, Kaidan still had a stick up his ass, Karin treated us like little kids, and Jenkins was like an excited puppy. It seems like a million years ago now. But, buddy, you certainly called that one. I think I still owe you some money for that prediction._

_And, here we are now…at the end, and at the beginning all at once. I didn’t mean to leave you, but I’ve gone on a journey you can’t accompany me on. Not yet. And, hopefully not soon._

_Don’t miss me too much. You’ve still got the Normandy and EDI._

_Fly high. Fly fast, Jeff. Don’t let anyone keep you down._

_Shepard_

* * *

“We were supposed to do this together every year, Commander.” Karin waved a glass full of sherry in a sweeping arc, her voice catching on the rank. She sat alone in the med bay nursing an emptying alcohol bottle.

_Karin,_

_Thank you for taking such good care of me on our harrowing journey. You were the steadfast friend I could always count on for sound advice. You were my mother when mine couldn’t be present. You never failed me; whenever I called, you answered. And, you are a damned good doctor._

_Have a drink for me, my friend, and remember. To the fallen._

_Shepard_

* * *

Admiral Shepard kept her daughter’s unopened letter in her inner breast pocket; she couldn’t bear to open that final goodbye. She didn't want to let go of that last piece of her daughter.

She walked around with it burning in her pocket for several weeks—that bled into months—before she had the courage to sit and consider opening it. With trembling fingers she unsealed the envelope.

_Mom,_

_There is so much I wish I had gotten to experience with you. I wish I had been able to see you promoted to Admiral, because if we’re honest, we both know that you’ll be in charge of the Alliance fleet when Hackett retires. I wish I had time to take that vacation we were always talking about. I wish I could have given you grandbabies and seen you spoil them rotten. I wish we could’ve grown old together._

_Old age. God, can you imagine us old together. We would’ve been the craziest old people._

_But, you know, I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it over again the exact same way. I would do it a million times over if only to give you the opportunity to grow old and see the light of many new days._

_I love you, Mom. You have always been my hero._

_I’ll be waiting on the other side for you. Please don’t be in a hurry to get here._

_Your baby girl_

* * *

Garrus stared at his name written in black ink across the envelope. “It should have been both of us.” He closed his eyes and his mandibles fluttered in agitation. He only allowed himself a few moments to wallow in misery. He returned the letter to its place: unopened, unread.

That ritual continued daily, until one day the pain didn’t overwhelm him. Until he could breathe around the heaviness in his chest. Until Shepard’s memory wasn’t blinding to look at. A talon delicately cut the seam of the envelope.

_Primarch Vakarian,_

_…Maybe someday. You certainly have the character and ability for it. I’m certain your father would agree with me._

_We’ve come a long way from C-Sec officer and Alliance officer, haven’t we? We’ve almost become respectable adults…_

A soft laugh made the letter sway in the turian’s grasp.

_…the whole galaxy going to hell has a way of maturing people. I think we handled ourselves honorably, despite the less than ideal circumstances. We did the best we could with what we had._

_Don’t beat yourself up over the final tally of casualties, Garrus. We all had our parts to play. My chapter simply ended before yours. You still have a part to play. You have to maintain the peace between the Turians and Krogans. You have to rebuild the galaxy. You have to keep Tali happy (I am recalling something about reach and flexibility)…I think I got the easy job._

_One day we shall be Shepard and Vakarian again. But, for now, let there be Vakarian without Shepard. Your story is just beginning; mine is ended. But life goes on._

_I toast your success, my friend, in a bar in heaven._

_I await you patiently over the seam of the eastern sky._

_Shepard_

* * *

“You suffer, yet I read no signs of physical distress.” Hemene, as the geth had named himself, regarded Tali with an almost innocent expectation of receiving an explanation.

“I grieve.”Tali hugged herself against a pain that wouldn’t abate. “I mourn.”

“How does that slip of paper cause such a reaction?” He always had a million questions.

“It reminds me of precious things I’ve lost.” Tali raised a hand to stop him from asking anything further.

He moved to give her the letter before taking his leave. “Not all things lost are gone. A remnant always remains.”

_Admiral Tali’Zorah vas Normandy,_

_It does have a nice ring to it. I am so, so very proud of you, Tali. Leading the Admiralty Board is a far cry from the quarian running for her life in the back alleys of the Citadel Wards. I knew there was something special in you from the moment I met you._

_You are resilient. You will survive the losses of this war. You will rebuild your homeworld and the relations between the Quarians and Geth._

_There is a spot on Rannoch that has your name on it. Pretty vista. And, you can see the stars at night shining from a billion different systems. From somewhere up there, I’m watching over you, kiddo. Cheering you on and celebrating all of your success._

_Don’t put your life on hold because of an old soldier who did her job. Mourn me, remember me, but bury me. Captain’s final orders._

_I’ll see in again, Tali…in many, many years. For now, live, and live well._

_Your Captain. Your friend. Your sister._

_Shepard_

_Keelah Se'lai_

* * *

Liara clutched the letter to her heart tightly upon receiving it, but she didn’t open it. She carried it with her for weeks on missions that were mortally dangerous. She placed it in a safe by her desk when Grunt appeared one day with no explanation and stayed.

When her Shadow Broker base was attacked and she almost lost everything including the letter, her life and Grunt’s, she built an impenetrable base with a vault that solely housed the contents of Shepard’s last words to her.

“Why haven’t you opened it?” Grunt asked casually one day as he cleaned his shotgun.

“I…” Liara didn’t know how to answer his question.

“Why do you still do this?” He waved broadly at their surroundings.

She stared at the krogan. “I never asked you to watch over me.”

Grunt released a short bark of laughter. “ _You_ didn’t.” He stood and collected his weapons. “Shepard’s dead, Liara. Reading the letter or not reading the letter won’t change that.” His tone wasn’t unkind, but the words still slammed into Liara.

She sat for hours after Grunt had left, thinking and remembering, until she found herself with the letter in her hands and tears streaming down her face that she had yet to cry for the woman she loved that was never coming back.

_My love,_

_How long has it been: one year, two, ten, twenty? You are ever the archeologist…you deal better with things that are long buried than with the immediate present. But, I cannot fault that. It was one of the many things I loved about you._

_But this time, I’m not coming back, Liara. If anyone were even attempting that kind of impossible project again, you’d already know about it. A vorcha can’t sneeze on Omega without you knowing about it. There is no miraculous reappearing this time. And, that’s okay._

_But, please know that I am so sorry that I wasn’t able to keep my promise to you. I wish that we would’ve had all the time in the universe. I wish we had travelled the stars and mapped new constellations and found new species and cultures and unearthed long buried ones. I wish we would’ve had a chance to grow together. I wish we’d been able to live peacefully together for as long as possible. And, most of all I wish that we’d been married in a spectacularly flashy wedding and had twenty little blue children together. But, if presented with the same circumstances, I wouldn’t do anything differently. You lived. The rest is just a bonus._

_I think I would’ve traded the entire galaxy for you._

_You once told me that the asari grieved differently because they had this long view of life. I think you’ve spent entirely too much time around humans to adhere too closely to that view, but I need you to adopt it now. Let me go, Liara. Live again. Love again. Have beautiful daughters that will continue to carry your name for generations. Live, my love. Live._

_And when the time comes for you to embrace eternity one final time, I will be waiting for you._

_I have loved you my whole life, and I shall love you long after death has taken me._

_I will see you again on the other side of eternity._

_Jane_

* * *

_Shepard set her pen down. She stared at the neat stack of letters with her winding scrawl on them. The sight of them was sobering. There were no exits in this war. The only two options were to fight and die or to not fight and die._

_She would not go gently. She would rage until her bone, muscle and tissue were dust and there was nothing left in her to give. There were so many futures at stake, including every person whose name she’d spelled out in letters that she hoped would never have the necessity to see their recipients._

_Shepard stood and collected the letter and placed them together with the very few items she valued enough to store in event of her death. She ensured everything was secure and placed her hand flat on the container. The enormity of the situation, of her mortality, made her heart tremble._

_She smiled sadly, her eyes clear and her face set in grim determination and resignation. “I hope this isn’t goodbye, my friends.”_


End file.
